When someone you love is using

Loving someone who's using is its own kind of exhausting — the worry, the walking on eggshells, the hope and the let-downs. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it for them. But you are not powerless, and how you respond genuinely matters. This is a calm place to start.

The signs you might be noticing

Secrecy and lies, money going missing, mood swings, disappearing for stretches, broken promises, withdrawing from family. If your gut has been telling you something for a while, it's usually worth listening to.

What actually helps

• Talk to them when they're sober, calmly, about what you see — not in the middle of a row.
• Be honest about the impact on you, without lecturing or shaming. Shame fuels using; it rarely stops it.
• Set kind, firm boundaries — and keep them. Boundaries protect you and stop you propping the problem up.
• Offer a door, not an ultimatum — a concrete next step (a chat, an assessment) is easier to take than "sort yourself out".

What usually doesn't

• Covering for them — paying debts, making excuses to their work. It removes the consequences that help people change.
• Constant policing, searching and checking. It exhausts you and rarely changes them.
• Waiting for "rock bottom". People can and do get help long before that — earlier is better.

Look after yourself, too

You can't pour from an empty cup. Your own support — a few trusted people, or a family support group — isn't a luxury, it's how you stay steady enough to help. This is happening to you as well, and your wellbeing counts.

How I can help

A lot of the people I work with first came to me because a partner, parent or friend reached out. I'm happy to talk with you about how to approach it, and the door is always open for them when they're ready — confidentially, without judgement.