How to Handle Family Events in Early Recovery

Family gatherings can be one of the trickiest parts of early recovery. There's often alcohol everywhere, old family roles that pull you back into being who you used to be, long-running tensions, and well-meaning relatives asking exactly the wrong questions. With a bit of planning, you can get through them sober and even enjoy them.

Plan before you go

Don't wing it. Decide in advance how long you'll stay, what you'll drink (bring your own alcohol-free option so you always have a glass in hand), and what you'll say if offered a drink — a simple "I'm grand with this, thanks" needs no explanation.

Have an exit strategy

Drive yourself, or arrange your own way home, so you're never trapped. Give yourself blanket permission to leave the moment it stops being good for you. "I've an early start" is a complete sentence. Leaving early isn't rude; it's recovery.

Handle the questions and the old roles

Families have long memories and fixed scripts — the one who messes up, the peacemaker, the one everyone worries about. You don't have to play your old part. You also don't owe anyone a detailed account of your recovery; "I'm doing really well, thanks" is plenty.

Line up support

Have a sober ally you can text or step outside to call if it gets hard. Know your HALT — don't arrive Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. And remember a craving, like a difficult relative, peaks and passes. You can ride it out. Afterwards, do something kind for yourself; you got through it, and each one you handle sober makes the next easier.

Gary Clinton

Ireland's addiction specialist — CBT-qualified therapist, bestselling author of Never Give Up, and an ex-addict himself. Private one-to-one help for professionals, online and worldwide.